Reflections : Social Misfits ....

They are a common sight ... a person who's mostly seen alone, a person about whom people hardly know anything, a person who fails to mingle with the crowd, a person who's obviously uncomfortable in a party ...

What does it take to be a social misfit??

First of all, there is a small matter to be cleared – that a social misfit doesn’t always have to imply being a social failure. Simply put, an individual may be a social misfit even though he’s NOT a social failure; though on the other hand, a social failure usually ends up as a social misfit!

The difference lies in one’s attitude and outlook towards life. A social failure is a person who wants to fit in – and he works towards it, makes an effort to project himself positively, and actively mingles with the crowd in order to create an exclusive “identity” for himself - but eventually fails in doing so, thus becoming a misfit out of compulsion. Obviously he hates the failure, and so he always keeps working to improve the way he is perceived by others.

On the other hand, a "genuine" social misfit isn’t really someone who’s failed; it’s more like someone who’s never really tried... rather someone who doesn't even feel the need to try. I know many won’t agree – most critics will cite man as the proverbial “social animal” – but there definitely are people in this world to whom social concepts of recognition, appreciation, admiration, respect and even gratitude (from others) simply do not matter. And it isn’t that they don't deserve all these feelings from the society either – more often than not, people will shower these on such misfits (and some times begrudgingly so!) and they will take them in their stride too! What makes them different from mere mortals though, is that it doesn’t really make a difference to such individuals when they generate such sentiments around them – and they are equally unperturbed even if they don't get what they deserve.

In short, a genuine misfit has a single mantra – I don't give a damn – and more importantly, that’s usually the way he projects himself too. Which is why the society either hates him (more common) or is intrigued and attracted by him (less common). Either way, misfits end up in a peculiar state: though they are openly proclaimed as misfits, they cannot be ignored – in fact, being ignored is what a social failure has to deal with, not a genuine misfit!

The single most important quality needed to become a misfit, then, is being an introvert. I guess this point needs no explanation ... its obvious enough that a person who needs others – for materialistic needs or spiritual ones – can’t really become a misfit, a failure maybe, but never a genuine misfit. To qualify as a misfit one needs to be self sufficient and independent, in all aspects of life, and often successful too. Of course, it needs to be pointed out that a genuine misfit’s concept of success is totally different from that of the society in general, and conversely, a successful misfit doesn’t need the society to recognize his success either! The simple reason being that for this introvert, his personal success or failure is as sacred and private to him as any deep dark secret can be. And he alone is the sole judge of it.

Going by the same logic, a person having an inferiority complex (that most social failures harbor deep inside them) can never become a genuine misfit – introversion arising from a sense of personal failure or loss is actually a negative state of mind (which may become a psychiatric condition one day) and a misfit is far from being negative. Genuine misfits will never have a superiority complex either – though many people will no doubt think they do – simply because such individuals know themselves too well. In fact, one would find such people going about their lives in a totally unobtrusive manner, with neither a desire to be noticed, nor the desire to influence or be influenced by others.

Now does this make such misfits reclusive?? Not at all. Ok, so on the surface they may not have as many friends as a socially active person does, but scratch beneath the surface (if you can get near enough!) and you’re bound to find the misfit having really some strong and passionate relationships that have stood the test of time. The thread common to all such relationships being selflessness.

As stated earlier, what a genuine misfit seeks for in any “real” relationship is not appreciation, admiration, respect or gratitude; because he knows that such sentiments are bound to fade with time. What he’s really interested in is selfless intent, genuine trust (that may often border on the blind), and a relationship devoid of materialistic need. It figures then, that his friends – real friends – will be friends for life, and he’ll cherish them from the very core of his substance, the feeling being mutual, of course. Similarly, such a person will never fall in love “at first sight”, but his belief in love, true love, is supreme because he alone understands what love really is.

So finally, where does the genuine social misfit “fit” in society??

Well, this is a person who doesn’t need society, but the fact remains that society needs him. Simply to maintain a healthy balance between the have and the have-nots, the failures and the successful, the winners and the losers, and such like. He is needed for his unbiased judgment in times of conflict, for his stoic demeanor in times of crisis, and for his selfless love and friendship in times of need.

...and most importantly, for the fact that he can be – and often will be - easily and conveniently forgotten once the times of conflict, crisis and need are over!

Not that he’ll care, of course!! Coz he just doesn't give a damn!!