The Internet Vs Intimacy

In fast paced times like these, is the “virtual” world of internet transforming into a “real” one?? It was while chatting with a certain “internet friend” recently, that I realized how open I’ve become to sharing my thoughts and feelings with others, and that internet has been a major catalyst.

This thought isn’t a new one for me either. I’ve often wondered – marveled, in fact – at the ease with which I have made new friends on the net, while doing the same in the real world still remains big a problem, as always!! With the society becoming more or less self centered these days, and busy professional lives making us even more hard pressed for time, are we becoming increasingly dependent on the internet as a medium of communication??

Take the so-called social networking sites for example. These days you’ll find practically everyone on one or more of these sites. Hundreds of “friends”, contacts, school and college mates are accessible just at the push of a few keys. As of today, I have 202 friends on orkut and exactly 4300 entries in my scrapbook!! Of course, out of those 202 “friends” maybe just 20-30 would be real “friends” – no offense meant, but most of the rest are people that I haven't contacted for ages together, and vice versa. The positive side though, is that these sites let you keep in touch at least – even if superficially – where were we without the means earlier?? And yes, it’s a great way to meet new people, make new friends, and most importantly, to rekindle old friendships. I’ll always be thankful to orkut for helping me find a long lost friend, someone whom I hadn’t been in touch with for over 23 years!!

The story doesn’t just stop here! There are sites in the virtual world where you can actually manufacture an “avtaar” of yourself who lives and functions as an individual in a virtual community… At a time when the value of one’s “personal space” has become paramount (even between close friends, relations and life-partners) maybe the freedom that these sites offer – be whoever you want, live however you like – is a welcome means of taking care of those unfulfilled aspirations, unrealized (or unrealistic) desires, failed ambitions ...and often, to nurture battered egos back to health too!!

I feel that the most ingenious part of the internet though, are blogs. Not only do they help people connect and share their thoughts with like-minded souls, they also help in channelizing one’s creative energy into the print form, open to discussion and criticism, and hence, evolving into better thinkers. But bloggers like me are people who are interested in just writing for the sake of writing, people who simply enjoy writing for the heck of it. Not for getting their work reviewed or rated, just trying to express some feelings, and sometimes to vent too!! ;-)

Anyway, that’s not really the reason why I’m writing this particular blog entry.

What I've realized – and surprisingly so – is the fact that most of the good friends that I’ve made in the last 4-5 years (meaning really close friends) have actually been online ones, some of whom I’m yet to meet in person!! Doesn’t really undermine my older friends in any way, of course, they are folks that I’ve either grown up with or who became close friends while studying (especially undergrad buddies). Yeah, there have been friends and colleagues after that, as there always will be, but will they ever reach the status of the older types?? Frankly, before entering the virtual world I wasn’t so hopeful, but having entered it, I’ve developed friendships with some of the most amazing people – and now I mean really strong ones!

As far as I am concerned, being an introvert has played a big role in this development, I guess. But sometimes I am surprised how an introvert like me could make virtual friends so easily while being inept to do so in the real world… I mean, shouldn't it be even more difficult for folks like me?? And then I realize that maybe it’s the very lack of physical presence that helps in making friends – maybe it’s the concept of personal space at work! The flesh-and-blood friends do intrude in one’s life some time or the other, whether deliberately or unwillingly. But virtual ones? Now that’s a different story!! Maybe we’re all playing safe here, the most undeniable and desirable quality of the virtual world is that one is always in control. Totally in control. In the virtual world it’s not my circumstances that dictate my actions, it’s my own free will that takes the call on which relationship to continue and which to put down, how much to share and what to withhold, and all this at the time that I consider appropriate and feel comfortable with.

There is more to the virtual world than what it seems at first glance… Like having the proverbial “no-strings-attached” kind of relationships are inherent to this world. What that means, pardon the rather crude way I’m gonna put it, is the relative emotional detachment from online friends – at least from the “casual” friends made online – as opposed to flesh-and-blood ones. Depending on the situation, one may even chose to remain anonymous at times, and no one would really mind.

There are some really good aspects of the virtual world too, that may even help us in developing qualities necessary in real life relationships. It teaches us to be tolerant, when one doesn’t get any response from another virtual member; it teaches us to be patient, when the response isn’t immediate, and it teaches us how to maintain others’ interest in ourselves so the relationship doesn’t end on a note of boredom. It also makes us understand how not to be judgmental of others and to wait for the right moment before offering advice, help or opinion. And how to listen to others rather than being a boring slob, raving and ranting about one’s own problems!!

Above all, one learns how to limit one’s expectations to a manageable and reasonable level... something that would go a long way in making our “real” lives much more fulfilling and satisfying.

Not a bad bargain in the end, huh?? :-)